my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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