My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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