someone threw a dead crab at me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
