I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
