that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
