yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
