please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
