I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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