Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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