What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
