it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
