Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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