Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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