also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
should my penis look like a turkey
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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