I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
