i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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