I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
