so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
