I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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