I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can you bring me the toilet please
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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