just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
