This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
