Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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