Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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