i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
