She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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