then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
