Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
