i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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