I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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