Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Come share oat with me in your robe
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
