Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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