do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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