so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
