i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
