Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hippo gnu deer
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
