this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
