I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
