Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I love you. Go after that dick
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