How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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