Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
