i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
