Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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