so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
