the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
