My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize