There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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