First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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