I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
