he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
