The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
