Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
