looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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