Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
