all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
