I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
