so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
