Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
