All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
