sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
