the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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