Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize