she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
