I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
