when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
