my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
