I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
