Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.

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(916): View more from California

I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

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(703): View more from Virginia

He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job

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(334): View more from Alabama

My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.

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(561): View more from Florida

Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake

(1-561): View more from Florida

Who the fuck is this

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(515): View more from Iowa

Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.

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