I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
