just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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