eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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