shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
