im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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