Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
