Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
