covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
