i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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