Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize