East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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