I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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