Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
