Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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